When I was 12 my parents divorced. My Mom will tell you that it was what all of us kids wanted and that's true. I think we really wanted the fighting to stop. I was also a greedy and selfish creep and I wanted two Christmases. Most of my friends had parents who had divorced and they made it sound so great. I truly had no idea the ramifications of my request.
I think this was the point when I really started slipping away. We moved twice that year. Once into an apartment with my Mom and my Sister, then into a mobile home with my Moms new husband his son and daughter. It felt like the longest year of my life. I slowly made friends and started Jr.High. We really didn't discuss church or faith and yet I still had this little seed in my heart struggling to grow. I became a follower just trying to fit in. Somehow I never felt like I did.
Then I started High School and I went about doing enough just to get by. Most of my friends didn't go to Church and it never occurred to me to seek one on my own. I met my Husband when I was 15. He was home schooled and went to church every Sunday. To me his family dynamic seemed very strange. I had many discussions with his parents about God and the Bible and I even went to church with them a few times. He was and still is my best friend.
Once we graduated High School his family decided to move about 45 minutes away. On my eighteenth birthday he proposed and I accepted. I was terrified I would loose him. We tried for awhile to maintain a long distance relationship. I admit it wasn't that far but again I was eighteen, ten minutes was like a lifetime. We were trying hard to figure life out.
I had a bit of a falling out with my Mom and in anger I moved out. Looking back I recognize the manipulation aspect I hurt her just so I could have my way, it's not easy to see myself like that but it's the truth and I won't hide it. I think as teenagers and young adults our selfishness reaches cataclysmic proportions and we end up hurting those we love the most. I moved in with my husband and his parents.
During this time we were required to attend church. We did and I learned a lot, for the first time I began to recognize the Holy Spirit and the changes that were trying to take place in my heart. I grew ever so slightly and yet I still had no idea how to be a Godly Woman.
Logan and I had a few sessions of pre-marital counseling and finally we were married. Now that we had our own place we thought we were ready for anything.lol
Part three coming up.
Blessings Always
Cassandra
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